I had all the right beginnings of an enlightened secular human; I was never baptized, or ever sent to church, I thought bible stories were absurd fairytales, I believed firmly in the general truth of scientific fact... but sadly, I've come to realize that I'm not an Atheist.
Now, don't get me wrong-- I'm not religious. I don't believe in any written GOD, yet I find myself praying very colloquially to some fuzzy, omniscient entity when faced with the next dire situation. But this isn't much different than your average inner dialog. It's only an attempt to relinquish control, in that way, place responsibility on this imaginary being. (I learned this from AA and it can work on anything stressful. Admit you're powerless over ______ and the higher power can deal with the bullshit for you.) It frees me up psychologically. But this entry is not about praying to Imaginary Cosmic Beings.
Somewhere, about six years ago, I ended up crazy and set on devouring this new age bullshit. 99 percent of it is just that; entertaining bullshit. But I found truth somewhere in the mess of wishful fantasy. It finally made sense to believe that nothing is completely coincidental. I believe that people appear in your life to teach you a lesson, whether you learn it or not, whether they know they're teaching it or not. How you physically, socially and psychologically exist attracts those of certain substance to you, and then often the same chemistry repels them, also aided by circumstance.. Now this is commonly thought of to be a sad event, but I see it as natural. We are all in transition, forever. Clinging to the past only stunts your growth.
Some people or situations are purely symbolic and meant to bring a detail of yourself into light. You find yourself encountering them again and again, wherever you go, and you don't realize why-- but it becomes pretty apparent after a while.
Sometime along this downward spiral into mysticism I learned how to read Tarot Cards. In 78 cards they detail every aspect of human existence. Studying these symbols further, they place an emphasis on every cross section of our experience being part of a larger, renewing cycle. It got me to think about numerology across civilizations and the universal agreement on what each number (1-9, 0, etc.) mean, how advanced mathematics describe systems and most natural systems operate on cycles and... well, everything is interconnected in this way.
So I don't find it too much of a stretch to believe that there is a systematic method to our existence. Apparently the hindus and buddhists and other religions all believe this too and can explain their theories much better than I can. But I'll just end by quoting Miller in Repo Man,
"A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' shrimp. Suddenly someone'll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o' shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconciousness."